It's Hard to Hate a Retard.

It's so true, how can you hate a retard? It's not their fault they don't operate on our superior level of intelligence. It's that same higher standard that constantly has me wondering where my glasses are, where I left my keys, and at other times trying to remember when I showered last. Maybe guys like Gary here have it pretty good. You grab onto a couple of favorite things in life, cling to them like your security blanket and never let go.

A few weeks ago I had a doctors appointment, and as expected, I would have a long wait to get in to see her. In the waiting room was Gary, pictured above. Let me tell you about Gary. Gary drools a lot, that's my first chuckle. Gary also has a fake tattoo on his right arm, or a sea horse...that's a chuckle. Gary also has a black binder with Mylie Cyrus articles, creepy funny. Gary is a huge Mylie Cyrus / Hannah Montana fan. This binder had photos, articles and I may have even seen a lock of her hair, I'm sure the rest of Mylie is safe in Gary's basement. Gary was there with a PSW (Personal Support Worker) that watches over him throughout the day. She went in for a doctor appointment and left Gary with the rest of us.

And so we begin with my Gary tribute. To the man that pulled out a melted half eaten Kit Kat bar from his pocket and ate it with a crooked sideways smile on his face, cheers! To the man that pulled out his photo album/scrap book and looked, and giggled while staring at Mylie Cyrus, cheers! What? You think that's wrong? An older man staring at a teenage heart throb like Hannah Montana? I beg to differ. Gary is working on the level of a ten year old or less. He had velcro shoes, unable to tie his laces, sitting there with a stick on tattoo of a sea horse, I don't believe he's a threat. In fact I would go so far as to say it's puppy love on Gary's part. The last time I had a stick on tattoo was around ten years old, and girls weren't even on my radar yet.

And now for the finale. Gary was finished oggling the photo of Mylie/Hannah Montana and calmy placed the binder down beside him. Slipped his hand into his pocket. Innocent enough for you? Then started rubbing furiously like a contestant on Survivor trying to start a fire. He was definitely into himself, God bless him. The look of horror on a young lady's face in the waiting room was worth my prolonged wait. The assault on his genitals lasted only a mere minute, if that, and if Gary managed to rub one out in that time - good job!'

Gary's assistant came out shortly after this episode of retard/teenage lust and stole Gary from me, out the door. I hope I see Gary again one day, but until then, everytime I see a dog humping someone's leg, I'll think of my friend Gary.

Headaches.

Todays beef is all about headaches. Maybe it's my unhealthy lifestyle or maybe I have so much anger in my head it tries to break out. If I had to describe this one it would be an angry pimp trying to break down a door in a cheap motel. It's violent, ugly and something I badly want to go away. Over the years I've tried many different medications, and thankfully, Advil for Migraines helps the most. No one likes headaches, mine just seem to come when I have a day off...maybe I should stay at work. Why write about a headache? It's my way of getting back, you can't really go punching yourself in your own head to punish a headache, that's counter-productive. So screw you headache, hopefully you'll go away soon, until then I am at your mercy like a nerd getting shoved in a locker by the school bully.